布語錄！Glee: Brittany's one-liners!! @ ？！！

※更新二十集的傻布語錄。

雖說有些好像超過 one-liner 境界了，哈哈。

因 Heather Morris: It’s Brittany, Gleeks! 越拉越長，不好編輯，更不容易觀看，所以把布語錄獨立，一樣會保持更新+補充。

HeMo（Heather Morris 暱稱）接受訪問說，Brittany 原設定只是另一個刻薄啦啦隊女孩（本來還可能不是金髮白人），製作人發現 HeMo 有天然傻氣，於是第七集開始有「傻布」，所以過這麼多集才有布語錄。現在回頭去看比較早期的集數，會明顯發現初期 Brittany 一點都不傻，從髮型到動作姿態堪稱是白色的 Santana。之後隨著傻布越來越受歡迎，露臉的機會就越來越高。近期則顯然有意讓她不只是傻，還瘋癲的很徹底。XD

除了傻布極端 Clueless 的發言，其他人反應則是擴散那句話「笑」果，那個反應常常只是一瞬間而已。有很多蠢到不行的台詞、行為，因為是出自傻布之口，幾乎不會有角色與她爭辯，有時甚至沒引起任何反應就切畫面，連米國觀眾自己都常常漏掉，觀眾也得反應夠快才能接收到！

HeMo 表達這些台詞的方式則完全是渾然天成的喜感，製作人甚至叮嚀她千萬別去學演戲。飾演 Sue 的 Jane Lynch 也說她愛死 HeMo 演出的傻布，不只台詞好笑，更甚者是 HeMo 的表演方式很有特色！Glee 演出真是意外發掘 HeMo 有喜劇天賦！

因為要重新貼，這次再修改又發現之前漏不少，之後如果還有發現之前集數的有趣佳句，還是一樣會補充進去。雖然有些是公認經典，但我發現每句都有各自的擁護者，哈哈！

新的排序在上～。

傻布合集─The Brittany Intelligence

【布‧語‧錄】

S01E20 - Theatricality

Will: Tina, are there any other looks you can try?
Santana: Biker chick?
Finn: Cowgirl?
Mercedes: Hood rat.
Quinn: Computer programmer.
Brittany: Cross-country skier.（Santana 點頭同意）
Puck: Catholic schoolgirl.
Brittany: Happy Meal, no onions. Or a chicken.
（眾人：沉默‧思索）

About Gaga，雖然不是傻布自己講，但她回應就是更令人發噱…...

Kurt: Lady Gaga is a woman. She's only the biggest pop act to come along in decades. She's boundary-pushing, the most theatrical performer of our generation. And She changes her look faster than Brit changes sexual partners.
Brittany: That's true.

對於 Rachel 服裝的中肯評價…

Brittany: You look horrible. I look awesome.
（Santana 充滿愛的認同，見圖）

特別收錄：2010.05.15 GLEE live concert in phoenix

整場演唱會的曲目精華，包括傻布與 Will 老師的串場（一分十三秒左右）…

Brittany: Who are all these people?
Will: That's the audience.
Brittany: When did they get here?

Brittany: I borrowed a hard boiled egg from a homeless man in the back of the theater and now I don't know where I am and everything smells like the airport.

演唱 Jump 之前的串場…

Kurt & Brittany's skit, Glee Concert, Los Angeles, 20100520洛杉磯這場的影片比較清楚，大致上的梗跟鳳凰城一樣，前面多一段傻布宣稱她已經「收集」完舞台工作人員，以及由她介紹 Kurt 出場。洛杉磯觀眾較熱情，互動較多，HeMo（Brittany）無法保持 Straight face 了，哈哈～。

Brittany:The people moving the stuff are called stagehands. ... I’ve made out with every single one of them.

Brittany: You look like a boy peacock, that likes other boy peacocks...
Kurt: You'd be surprised to know, Brittany, that the male peacocks are the fancy ones, and the females are the drab ones...
Brittany: I don't know what the word drab means...
Kurt:[sarcastically] Really...
Brittany: I do know that a verb is an action word...

Brittany: Why are you dressed at all like that?
Kurt: Well, Brittany, we've reached the 11 o'clock number, the showstopper... we have to push through to the finish, and I think the only way we're gonna beat Vocal Adrenaline is with fashion...
Brittany: We're jumping on mattresses... I think your lady cape might get ruined...
Kurt: You know, Brit, for the first time, I think you're right...

Brittany: Remember when we made out?
Kurt: Shhh!（對觀眾） ... yeah...
Brittany: I'm incredibly turned on right now... I wanna hold your soft little baby hands...
Kurt: [nervous, awkward] You know I have this th-...（迅速逃離）
Brittany: One day, I will make Kurt Hummel mine. You can count on it... even though, I can't count.

S01E18 - Laryngitis

Mr. Schue 詢問 Glee Club 成員們為什麼都不唱……

Brittany: There are so many lyrics.
（看傻布的表情，不要為難她阿！）

變髮 Puck 走進教室時……

Brittany:Who is that guy?

Kurt 改變形象唱歌後……

Brittany: So you're pretty much the only guy in this school that I haven't made out with because I thought you were capital-G Gay. But now that you're not, having a perfect record would mean a lot to me. So, let me know if you want to tap this.

Burt: If things get serious, Use protection.
Brittany: does he mean like a burglar alarm?

Kurt: Can you excuse us for a minute, boo?
Brittany: What?（疑惑貌，聽無）
Kurt: Just go away.

S01E17 - Bad Reputation

大家討論如何登上 Glist 時，Artie 突然發現有背後靈……

Artie: Why is she here?
Brittany: I've been here since first period. I had a cold, and I took all my antibiotics at the same time, and now I can't remember how to leave.

緊接著來個衝擊性的發言……

Brittany: But I also don't know why I've only made fourth on the Glist. I've made out with, like, everyone in this school. Girls, boys, Mr. Kidney the janitor. I need to do something to get into the top three.

準備到圖書館大鬧前……

Artie: I'm kind of getting cold feet here.
Brittany: Can you even feel your feet?
（傻布，這個 cold feet 不是真的指腳很冷。）

Mr. Schue 打算逐一套話，問出誰做了 Glist（淫亂排行）…

Brittany: I don't know how to turn on a computer.

S01E16 - Home

沒來由的……

Brittany: I'm pretty sure my cat's been reading my diary.

「Brittana」對 Mercedes 說 Miss Sue 宣稱她廿餘年沒吃過固體食物，只喝自己特調飲料…

Brittany: Sometimes I add a teaspoon of sand.

S01E15 - The Power of Madonna

Rachel 問 Glee Club 如何跟男生說不……

Santana: Just do what I do. Never say no.
Brittany: Oh totally. I mean, what's the worst that could happen? Sorry, Quinn.

Mr. Schue 發現男孩們不太尊重女生……

Will: You're disrespectful, bullying, sexist, and I hate to say it, misogynistic.
Finn: I have no idea what that means.
Brittany: When I pulled my hamstring I went to a misogynist.
(本意應是指 massagist)

Brittany:The way to get a man to follow you forever, take his virginity. Madonna wrote a song about it.

Miss Sue 要啦啦隊員仿效瑪丹娜精神，其中一項是跟年紀比自己小的男生約會…

Brittany: Guess who I'm dating? Wes Brody. He's super-cute. He plays soccer with my sister...... He's seven.

Santana 在煩惱自己找不到更小的男生可以約會…

Brittany: Hello? Finn! His birthday's like three days before yours, and he's super dumb.
Santana: We already tried with Finn, and he hates us.
Brittany: Trust me, the way to get a man to follow you forever...take his virginity. Madonna, like, wrote a song about it.
這個真的很妙，因為我在好久之後才發現這段也有布式理論，問題在哪？Finn 的生日在 Santana 前三天，怎麼會是他比 Santana 小？XD！更妙的是反正就繼續演下去，這個梗也撲的太隱藏式。噗。我之前都只留意到 Brittany 怎麼會記得 Finn 生日，完全沒想到笑點在另一點。

Mr. Schue 介紹完將加入 Glee Club 的 Jesse 後……

Brittany: Mr. Schue, is he your son?
（這句是 Heather Morris 自己想到的。那非常質疑的表情整個妙！）

S01E14 - Hell-O

關於沒有成功摧毀 Glee Club…

Brittany: We were seduced by the glitz and glamour of show biz.

Santana: Excuse me. We'd like to send these back.
Waitress: But you ate all of it.
Santana: Look, I'm pretty sure you have to do what we say. And this food... Was not satisfactory.
Brittany: There was a mouse in mine.

Brittany: Did you see what rachel was wearing today?
Santana: I know. She looked like pippi longstocking, But,like,Israeli.
Brittany: Those sweaters make her look homeschooled.
Finn: Hey, guys, come on. Don't make fun of rachel. She's... She's kind of cool.
Brittany: Finn, that's mean.

Sue: Anything else?
Brittany: Sometimes I forget my middle name.

噢！或許是剛開始沒打算讓 Brittany 這角色發展到什麼境界、甚至只是來不及想（HeMo 比其他人晚加入），又或是有意埋下什麼目前難以想像的梗，Brittany 是唯一沒有「Last Name」的角色，連 Matt 都有！製作人也說目前傻布就是沒有姓。所以，除了 Brittany 自己偶發性遺忘 Middle Name 以外，其實也沒有人知道她姓什麼，反而變成一個可能直到這部戲結束都不會公佈的梗也說不定（最一致的猜測是：大概是姓氏太長她記不得，噗）。

沒來由的……

Brittany: Did you know that dolphins are just gay sharks?
（這應該是傻布語錄目前公認第一名。這場戲好多段都超好笑，Santana 聽到之後的反應造就這句的經典！）

關於色誘 Finn，傻布的招式……

Brittany: Finn didn't fall for any of our tricks
Sue: Such as?
Brittany: I didn't wear a bra and I had them turn up the air conditioning.
Sue: Ladies, I misjudged you. You may be two of the stupidest teens I've ever encountered and that's saying something. I once taught a cheerleading seminar to a young Sarah Palin.

兩傻對話……

Brittany: You're a really good dancer
Finn: I was barely moving my feet.
Brittany: That was the best part.
（認真的說…如果真有哪集把他兩配在一起，我絕對不會有意外感，唯一的問題：這兩傻恐怕有謀生問題，玩玩就好。XD）

S01E13 - Sectionals

眾人多方電話討論 Quinn 懷孕幕後秘密的危機，談到 Puck、Santana 正在交往（雖然前幾集也有一幕是 Santana 要求分手，但對照 Santana 接著回應，分沒分似乎沒差）…

（這幕太經典）

Santana: Sex is not dating.
Brittany: Yeah, if it was, Santana and I would be dating.
（這句完全點燃 Brittana Shippers 心中的熱火！）

關於 Emma……

Brittany: She's the one they made me talk to when they found out I was keeping that bird in my locker.
（搭配一副受驚嚇孩子的臉）

Glee Club 討論誰外流歌單，Brittana 是頭號嫌疑犯…

Santana: Look,we may still be cheerios, but neither of us ever gave sue the set list.
Brittany: Well... I-I did, but I didn't know What she was going to do with it.
（明明就是令人生氣的事，但大家都明白…傻布是真的不知道 Sue 拿歌單要幹嘛，你看她多無辜！XD）

S01E12 - Mattress

關於一位曾經登上年鑑的 Glee Club 成員……

Kurt: He is now the homeless man Who sleeps in front of the public library.
Quinn: Patches?
Kurt: Patches.
Brittany: He barks at my mom.

Rachel 熱切要找搭檔一起拍學校年鑑……

Brittany: I don't want to be in a picture with you, it'll get defaced.
Rachel: No it won't!
Brittany: Yes it will, I'll be the one doing it.

S01E11 - Hairography

Mr. Schue 要傻布表演專業甩頭技……

Will: Brittany, take it away.
Brittany: Take what away?（Mr. Schue 是說這個 take it away）

Brittany: So, hairography. It works best when you pretend like you're getting tasered. So you just move your head around Like you're spazzing and stuff. You guys, it's like cool epilepsy.
（Heather 實際上真的超會甩，她也總可以在每支舞蹈找到機會甩一下。）

當眾人發現傻布「光明正大」的「偷拍」合唱團練習狀況時……

Brittany: Coach Sylvester didn't tell me to do this.

S01E10 - Ballad

Will: Ballad. Who knows what this word means?
Brittany: It's a male duck.
（妳是指 mallard 吧，傻布）

Mr. Schue 為了抽籤拿出類魔術師帽子，把籤放在裡面……

Brittany: I bet the duck's in the hat.
（與上面這兩段應該是傻布竄紅的開始，還有影迷製作這句的 T-Shirt：HeMo 自己有穿。來自Cory／Finn 的 Twitter）

這句雖然不是出自傻布之口，可是也很好笑！Kurt 說 Finn 居然……

Kurt: He's copying off a girl who thinks the square root of four is rainbows.
（需要說明這個認為「四的平方根等於彩虹」的女孩是誰嗎？）

S01E09 - Wheels

討論為合唱團義賣籌錢事宜……

Brittany: It's not that. It's just that most of us don't know how to bake. I find recipes confusing.
（看傻布的表情，食譜真的非常困擾她！）

Mr. Schue 要合唱團所有人必須坐輪椅感受 Artie 之苦。傻布卻「走」向義賣攤位……

Santana: Brittany, you're supposed to be in your wheelchair.
Brittany: I lost it.
（Puck 一看傻布用走的，就說傻布數學考試都靠作弊，這時的傻布還沒那麼強烈流露傻氣，或許會讓觀眾懷疑是蓄意遺失輪椅，但多幾集以後就會發現她是真傻，哈。至於她假 Becky 之手，自己付錢買義賣的餅乾就…到底是傻還是？XD）